Why, sometimes, am I my own worst critic. I have rained more hell on myself that any thundering horde of the apocalypse. It sounds ridiculous but it’s true. I think part of it is that I better do things, say things, write things and so forth absolutely perfect so everyone will think I am special and won’t be left alone. That feeling of needing to belong and seeking unnecessary approval of others.
I strive to be the best version of myself on a daily basis and for the most part, am satisfied with how I show up. Here’s the rub. Take my yoga practice for example. When I get on the mat, the mental chatter ramps up. “Everyone thinks I am doing it wrong, or “what’s the old guy doing here”, “when is the class going to be over” and the most infamous, ” I should”…. The rewarding part of practice is that as I grow and become more self accepting, seeking only positive thoughts, the inane chatter tones down. I accept these fleeting thoughts and let them go. Dismiss them and move on. I also try to tune into my body and listen for its cues in helping grow through the various asanas. It is a work in progress as I do get judgemental and self conscious about being the older guy in the room. I have heard in the studio that there is no room for judgements or comparisons. We are merely souls on are individual journeys in seeking the divine. Acceptance of our imperfections is where the trip begins. Kind of an ah-ha moment and the beginning of a spiritual perspective.
One of my other passions is riding. I have found that over the years that to ride a horse is a series of continual adjustments that you make as you develop a unspoken communication link with your equine partner. There are moments of pure nirvana but you cannot languish in them. A little imperfection goes a long way.
There are little hiccups, quirks and the like that make us unique. Could you imagine if everyone was perfect and everything was done perfectly. Sounds like the beginning of a science fiction horror movie. It is in our imperfections that we can find peace. They make us who we are and they comprise the fabric of our stories.
Yes, in the end, life is all about a delicious practice where we are always evolving and changing the ingredients of the recipe. And it is in the practice we find little snippets of perfection. Never rest on your laurels, strive to reach that next peak. Adventure beckons.