I will admit that I have succumbed to extreme frustration. This past winter season has blown some holes in my fitness, immune system and psyche. As I work with horses, who live out 24/7, and are checked twice a day, I am out in all sorts of weather. It can be my nemisis. Sometimes no matter how many layers you have on and how waterproof you might be, you still don’t hold a candle to the wrath of mother nature. As I have had some close encounters with pneumonia the past three years, my respiratory system is a bit down. I am sick of being sick.
I make it a point to stay fit by doing yoga, working out at the gym through strength training and cardio work three to four times a week and walking. Needless to say that when you have a hard time breathing without trying to cough up a lung, frustration reigns. I know that it is a feeling, and the body is trying to tell me to heal myself, but damn it seems like recovery is taking longer. I consider myself active. For many years, I was somewhat sedentary with an office job. As I grow in the year column, I am very vigilant about my fitness. But obviously, not enough.
The feeling of frustration comes from a desire to not get flabby and out of shape. One of my life’s missions is to be able to see my feet. Sounds pretty silly but it is the way I feel. I want to relish this time on earth and not succumb to feeling bad, winded, and tired all the time. It is critical for me to not pay homage to the idea that I am just getting old, so deal with it I don’t want to be on the highway to hell. I must remember that how I feel on a day to day basis may be the body sending me the message of “Listen to me. Its time for you to rest, damnit!!!”
Part of me knows on some level, that I’m trying to impress others. You know, I’m 61 and look great. Kind of vain thinking, but I do fall prey to this as most of my work associates are in their twenties to thirties. Oh God, it is the wasteful exercise of comparing out. People will not like me if I look like an out of shape slob. STOP! Mantra number one … People will like you for your depth and substance, not just looks, and quite frankly, who cares what they think anyway. Another little villian is instant gratification. I work out etc. so shouldn’t I look like a model.
The zen for me in this exercise is to realize that I need to honor my feelings, but not set up housekeeping with them, and to accept myself just as I am at this moment. Keep moving towards the divine in myself. The reward is in the journey itself and the many blessings that are received along the way.
Till we meet again, step towards the divine in you, embrace it and savor it. I am working on it. Ciao!