We are so “lucky” here in Europe that the government in the European Union use their time and the taxpayers money so wisely. Haha …
Now we have no need to worry anymore, they take care of us – the politicians.
‘Change your mind and your ass will follow.’ A profound though light statement and also the brilliant title of a less then agreeable song released in 1970 by a band called Funkadelic. The idea behind it isn’t new; in fact, it has been written in different ways at different times over many, many centuries.
For the summer 2013 edition of the Magic Happens Magazine, I wrote an article on loss and how I dug deep down to overcome my perspective on the subject. Loss can take on many forms and meanings within one’s mind. Today I would like to talk about this edition’s feature called I loved you. Although you can interchange the word loss with I loved you, they are two separate events in my perspective.
One of the things that I truly appreciate among many is parking my butt in front of the computer, Iphone etc and opening up the new edition of The Magic Happens to start another year. It is like another Christmas present only a few days later. My feel good inside ramps up a few more levels as I image the articles presented by such gifted authors involved with the magazine. My mouse finger trembles as it moves forward to click on the new edition.
If we look at the last many centuries of the history of mankind, we see a change of society moving from the pre- modernist era where we lived in feudalism and into the modern era. This process is for humanity a long struggle, and it is a long cumulative process in which we constantly redefine ourselves as humans. In the past centuries we have seen and we still see, a struggle for rights and equality, as well as an increasing struggle for mutual recognition. At the national level we see in these years that “the last dictators in the world” are being challenged and are disappearing. On the legal or societal level, we see an intensified fight for human rights. And at the private level, we see the struggle for equality and equal rights.
We really hope that you are enjoying the new format for the magazine. If you were around in the old days of TMH, you remember the clumsy old look and feel we had. We have been really stoked ever since we got this new layout. (This is our third edition in this new look and while we think we have most of the bugs ironed out, it is possible to find one or two. If you do, please let us know right away so we can get it fixed for everyone.)
When there was only you and me, I loved you. You arrived perfect, soft and full of giggles and smiles. As a small child, I loved the way you danced in restaurants every time someone played a song on the jute box.
I hope I’m being clear here that I am not giving you, dear reader, the big, fat, middle finger… instead, I’m speaking to all the old ideas, beliefs, and opinions that I have held so dearly… and for such a long, long, time, up to and through the year 2013!
This month the theme of the articles are, I Loved You. This brought up many emotions and thoughts as I reflected back on those in my life I have loved. Coming from a dysfunctional family where the ‘love – hate’ thing was going on,
So, like many a love affair it really had no chance of happening! Oh I noticed you but the thought of actually TRYING to LIKE you was simply abhorrent! There was so much about you I couldn’t accept. You left a bad taste in my mouth and your natural scent; well let’s just say that I’d rather have smelled burnt popcorn! Yet my parents did everything from strongly suggesting to playing that “we know what’s best for you” card as though the guilt alone would get ME to love YOU! They were after all, completely befuddled that I was the ONLY one in the family to NOT singing your praises. Over the years I found that I could take you in small quantities, like blended in with things so that you were merely a part of something else I enjoyed more and I began to find that I COULD enjoy you given the right circumstances. Of course I still had my issues enjoying the ‘real you’ the ‘raw’ side of you. And I held my ground for decades until one day something inside me shifted.
Can’t explain it for I will never fully understand it but one day I found myself stepping out of my comfort zone and gave you an honest to goodness second chance. It was as though a whole new world opened up for me. Suddenly I wasn’t the only one in the family who rejected you, tossed you aside or would gag and wretch at the very thought of YOU. Eagerly I began to incorporate you into my daily life more and more. People who had known me forever were confused, after all I had been adamant and now, well now could it possibly be that my tastes HAD changed, as so many people admonished me they would.
This new found appreciation and dare I say it L-O-V-E for you was bringing me great joy, as love is want to do and I wanted to share it with everyone, I even found a job where I could have you by my side and introduce you to those around me. I put you up on a pedestal, extolled your virtues AND found that I was one of hundreds, thousands, dare I say MILLIONS of others who also LOVED YOU! It was as though I found love and acceptance all at the same time.
But in the middle of all of this fun and frolic something began to go terribly wrong. Not like there was someone else, I knew I couldn’t keep you all to myself, you commanded world adulation and I accepted that but still I began to notice I could no longer keep up. My body grew weak and it pained me to have you in my life. I was told by my doctor that for my OWN health’s sake I would have to make a choice; HAPPY with YOU or HEALTHY without you. Seriously, really! How could one be expected to walk away from that that brought such pleasure, so much satisfaction AND connected me to throngs of other admirers where I felt like I finally belonged! Say it isn’t so!! After all I finally realized how very much I DID enjoy you, even sincerely loved you. Oh the humanity… So knowing that I had to make the choice to WALK away, I gave you up. It wasn’t easy for I had worked you into my routine so much that I HAD to go cold turkey, a complete break, I cried for the loss but believed that if this change really didn’t help, if I honestly didn’t regain my health we would find each other again and simply slip away into the woods, never having to answer to others again. After all, how could I live without you?
But live without you I did and my body thanked me with every fiber of its being. My weakened condition ebbed and my energy began to return stronger and better than ever. What cruel joke was this, I thought that there were times that love could be painful. I knew of others who never walked away from you, despite THEIR weaknesses and pain, so confusing. Still the truth was evident I found my strength to admit that my love for you could not overcome the fact that you were really NO good for me. We had something good together but it wasn’t meant to last. Yes I have my health and well you STILL have the millions who adore you. I see you from time to time and smile knowingly but I walk on by for I know that I loved you Tom or as I formally refer to you, Tomato!
I will no longer love you forever. This will be my new promise to you but for me this is impossible. I loved you for a very long time, but your choices made it impossible to be forever. Maybe it is true that you loved me more than you have probably loved before, but you didn’t love me fairly, truly, respectfully, fully and honestly. You just didn’t. And I have to accept that and live on. It is unfair to say you didn’t care. We all understand love differently, our will is different, and we prioritize differently. But one thing I do know is; that love, or the love I wish to live in, is never lazy, it is never rude or disrespectful. I loved you, before. And after, I loved who I thought you would become.