And Now! – by Kristine Grün



I Loved You. And Now You’ve Got To GO!

I will no longer love you forever. This will be my new promise to you but for me this is impossible. I loved you for a very long time, but your choices made it impossible to be forever. Maybe it is true that you loved me more than you have probably loved before, but you didn’t love me fairly, truly, respectfully, fully and honestly. You just didn’t. And I have to accept that and live on. It is unfair to say you didn’t care. We all understand love differently, our will is different, and we prioritize differently. But one thing I do know is; that love, or the love I wish to live in, is never lazy, it is never rude or disrespectful. I loved you, before. And after, I loved who I thought you would become.

My experience is, that it can be very hard to see and then accept when something no longer serves your highest good. It can be a situation or a relationship – friendship or partnership or marriage. Sometimes you can save that “something”. I am a steadfast believer in fighting and never giving up, in any matter of life. But, when something is no longer good for us, we will eventually see it, and then we have to fight to accept it, and finally we have to climb up to survive, to protect, to heal, and to find peace.

If we don’t accept and act when things are bad for us, we will most likely go through more pain. It can be the pain of mistrust, jealously or another hurt or let down. Our pain can be so great that we can find ourselves, as I did; on the floor, with my arms around myself, screaming, because every bone in my body hurt of pure heart ache. And it is no one’s fault, not at episode number 5, it is just a shitty reality, that can’t be changed. After the second, third, or xyz number of times of forgiveness fixing and trying, every inner part knows what tools are and are not present.

In my experience love can turn into sadness, which turns into anger, which turns into hate. It can all go to love again, but it’s now tainted love, it’s love that needs extra care. If this love is broken once more and once more and once more, it’s getting dangerous, because we hang on to a dream of a love that is not true – it’s not there – you wish, but it is a dream, not reality.

Love is steadfast, it is patience and it is kind. We can go for years loving the one next to us, fighting stuff together, sometimes fighting alone, but keeping the love alive – until one day when we can’t breathe any longer, because yes, we are only fighting alone. And for the other person the love is no longer steadfast, it is not patient nor kind. At once we feel less important. Our loved one may still swear they love us – BUT, they hurt us….

We should love a person fully, with all flaws they may have. Communication can be lacking. I say red you say red, but we actually may not mean the same red colour when all comes down to it. What if we take it a step further? What if the flaws becomes unbearable. Being let down, will be a perfect example of this. If you were ever let down, you will know of the getting angry and sad, frustrated and desperate, because you were promised important things; promises which were not kept to you. The worst thing about betrayal is, that it rarely comes from your enemies…

It’s so unfair…Love… Love takes prisoners. And it is beautiful too…it has a thousand colours, speaks a thousand languages. It can make you fly, and it can make you fall. It can have a breaking part, which is cruel…and the end becomes, “I loved you”.

Maybe we loved someone but hate them at the same time – yes these are strong words – which means we can’t live with them or be next to them or have them in our life, because that person now causes us too much heartache. The sentence “It is never too late”, we have all heard and probably said the line before too. But even if I wish I could do it, sit safely in your arms, or bend a little more, or even if i wish I could accept to live a different way, I come to the crucial fact that I just don’t have it in me to do so, I can’t.  Is it possible to meet in the middle and find equilibrium together at this point?  Probably we just cant, too much heartache is too much heartache.

In the dilemma of acceptance that our dream is no longer a reality, we can go through the feeling where we want to hold on to that Loved One so badly. It is safety, it is a part of us that we have to let go of. It is heart breaking. It is pure madness, but so is love…or, addiction.

A tip: Yoga, meditation, drink water;  yoga, meditation, water, yoga, meditation water.

Feelings are amazing, scary and beautiful…and absolutely crazy. Letting go of someone or something is like surgery. Especially if that person has been with you for a long time. Big “why”s will probably go over your lips and drive your friends beyond crazy… though letting go of something that no longer serves you, is sometimes a key necessity, to move on to a more positive state which does serve you. The question remains: Are you happy? Not in your dream, but in your reality? As it is now?

This is when I realize that the great, big, passionate, crazy, all-consuming love, I loved so much, is a roller-coaster ride. It can be metaphorically explained as a kid colouring a picture of a flower. The flower is my dream. The problem: the kid doesn’t colour inside the lines. It can form a new beauty to the dream in reality, but it can also destroy it. It all depends…

Days can pass by, when you finally have a strong feeling inside of you, where you have decided to let go, finally. And days get easier. You stop crying so much and things seems okay. You can start seeing the colours in the day again. But. You will miss. You will miss the person you loved. I miss; it makes no sense to pretend I don’t. I cry less, but the pain is still there. The Love will always be in my heart. New promises and apologies, tend to make me forget the bad things. Of course. It’s a quick healer…If love is blind, then I was blind willingly – as Katie Melua’s song goes. But, You will remember, it is not the lies you miss – and if these were there, they were a part of your reality, at that point in time. And you only miss the sun when it starts to snow. Listen to the little inner voice.

So if you are in such situation; listen to the sad love songs, cry, eat ice cream – pet a puppy, as my friend told me to do. It helps. I promise you. Forget what’s gone, appreciate what’s still there and look forward what’s to come.

It’s natural to be scarred. It has been hard for me to turn someone I love away, but it has been a necessity as the loved one was destructive for me and my being.

don’t stay bitter. Life will soon blossom, again.

Love is a strange thing. It makes us fly and it makes us fall.
We can hunt happiness all our lives. But we have to learn not to push it.

I am sure we have all seen or heard the line; Happiness is not a state of being it is a way of life. I believe both to be true. Happiness is a state of being, but it is also a way of life.

I choose Happiness and I choose Life!


About author

This article was written by Kristine Grün

Who am I?: I am still trying to find out! A young academic from Denmark with a Master's in social economics and a warm heart for Africa. My every day is full of great joy and happiness, but also tons of frustration. I have recently lived in Zimbabwe, where I feel just as home amongst drums, soup kitchens and wild nature - as I do in the streets of Copenhagen. It was life..it is life..journeys. Now I find myself in London - on another adventure, yet again.

Comments

Comments (6)
  1. Kathleen McCarthy says - Posted: January 12, 2014

    What a brave and wonderful telling Kristine. I want to recognize you for your courage in sharing your story. 🙂 You are loved!

    • Kristine says - Posted: January 14, 2014

      Thanks so much dear! :*

  2. Annette Rochelle Aben says - Posted: January 12, 2014

    the depth of your feeling nature is remarkable… one can feel how much you respect the power of love as they read your words!

    • Kristine says - Posted: January 14, 2014

      Thank you Annette

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