Holy Crap! I’ve been kidding myself again!?!
After many years of consistently “looking within” and believing I was actively engaged in cleaning out the internal gunk (like those beliefs, opinions and attitudes that I had latched onto because they seemed so perfectly and understandably appropriate at the time) that holds me back from Being and Doing all that I can BE and DO, I made an uncomfortable discovery this summer.
I haven’t been peeling back the layers of the onion and getting to the deeper levels of truth within like I believed… I’ve just been cycling through the same level over and over again!!!
Oh sure, I gussied things up here and there so as to fool myself into thinking I was making progress and looking deeper and deeper within.
In fact, and here I’m going to tell a big one on myself…
I went so far as to CHANGE MY DECISIONS rather than change my direction!
That, my friends, is a slippery slope. And before you go away, shaking your head at this silly woman for missing the obvious, let me ask you a question. Is it possible you have succumbed to the same thing?
Oh yeah… it starts slowly with those little things we believe are inconsequential, like deciding we want bacon and eggs for breakfast, only to discover we’re out of eggs so we have a bowl of cereal instead. Right here some of you will claim that you simply ‘changed your direction’. You’ll defend your actions by pointing out something like, “Well, my real ‘goal’ was to fill my stomach. It doesn’t really matter with what.” Because we all suffer from being that kind of clever, we fail to see where, when and how we step away from the truth about our decisions rather than standing for them and taking steps in the direction the decision dictates. We fail to see that we’re not digging deep enough within, we’re just staying at the same level, imagining ourselves having ‘Eureka!” moments, when we’re really just being spiritually and/or physically lazy.
Now that’s a very ‘physical’ example of something that is at play in all areas of our life if we don’t consistently look within with a genuine willingness to get to the real truth behind the choices we’re making. This is important because it’s the choices we’re making that lead us to the experience we’re having… right now! If you find yourself having those moments where you really don’t like the current experience, then you had best start asking yourself about the choices you have been making. And in that moment when you hear yourself vehemently defending your choices don’t stop. Instead, right there, take a breath, and ask yourself about the choice that led to this choice you’re busy defending. And the choice that led to that one, and so on and so on until you get that sudden realization that YOU’RE MAKING IT ALL UP!
I am Light. As a Lightworker I made a decision to come onto this Grand Game Board called Planet Earth and physically experience being a Priestess with the task of guiding others to connect themselves to the bodacious and delicious Truth that we can walk as Physical Beings on this planet in JOY.
Yep… after just a few breaths it appears I forgot, and promptly muddied up that decision with a whole bunch of contradictory ‘new’ decisions. Turns out a real decision involves ‘resolve’– you know, a firm course of action. And despite my sincere attempts to look within and get to the truth of what is going on with me, I failed to take that initial decision into consideration when planning a course of action. Instead I let myself be blown around by the whims of my ideas, opinions, beliefs, and attitudes, formed around what I was seeing and hearing around myself, instead of listening to and seeing within, those choices that were aligned with my decision.
The good news is… it’s all good and never too late! There is now a crack in the shellac that I painted over ‘the truth’ – and I’m starting to see in a whole new way.
It’s easy to play the game of ‘looking within’ – SEEING WITHIN is a bit more challenging.
Here’s to all you may see!
Love yourself, play well together, and nurture one another,