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My personal will has always been strong.
That sounds like a good thing, right? Of course it was useful. It took me through being the youngest (by far) in my graduate school program. That was a big thing when I was started leading personal growth workshops at 24. It took me hitchhiking solo across Canada and into dark alleys in Athens (searching for the restaurant my friend told me I had to experience). It was the juice that got me to speak in front of hundreds of people, though I would have been waaay more comfortable having an intimate dinner with close friends.
But personal will is an exhausting taskmaster. I always felt pushed to do more. Pushed to perform, to do. And flowing downhill, the expectation emanated from me that others push themselves as I did. Whether they wanted to or not.
As I built my private psychotherapy practice I thought it meant constantly connecting with people for referrals. Going to lunches, coffee dates, making phone calls. It wasn’t that I didn’t enjoy it. I loved the people. And I definitely loved my work! But as an introvert, I pushed myself beyond my own inner limits. I got so depleted that I became hyperthyroid. My weight plummeted and I couldn’t walk across the room without pausing to rest. Thyroid = self-expression. My self-expression was seriously out of balance.
It took years of healing to bring my thyroid back into balance. What really made the difference? Beyond the acupuncture, piles of supplements, applied kinesiology and all the rest? It was coming home to myself. When personal will is disconnected from your inner wisdom the well quickly runs dry. Your “show” is devoid of essence. Something has to give, and usually it’s your health.
It took me years to find the path that took me inside. Making this inner journey centered me in the only thing that really matters; my relationship with myself. My personal will in the service of divine will. My “self-expression” expanded into “Self-expression”. From here, balance flows naturally. My life is no longer performed alone, driven by a need to do more and to perform better.
The partnership of self with Self becomes a magnificent dance. A performance in the truest sense of that word and worthy of the spotlight.
Your inner potential develops when you allow yourself the space to be quiet. The Great Central Silence contains the igniting sparks, the keys to your future. This can be the most precious time you have to become intimately connected to yourself. It is your time, empty of life’s distractions.
You are ready, aren’t you? Because you can, you know. The depth of your inner journey awaits.
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