Have you ever changed your opinion on someone? Have you ever discovered the beauty in someone you reacted negatively to at first? Have you ever discovered the niceness of any kind of food that you first reacted to with aversion?
The object has probably not changed, but you have.
It is not only what you see, but as much how you perceive it. You can look at the perception of a person as two soap bobbles that touch. What you are able to see has to be a part of what you are aware of, if not you would not perceive it.
If you focus on something it becomes stronger. What you see in the other is a part of how you yourself stretch forward towards the other. Like a projection.
This is a central key to understanding an important mechanism. At a physical level things can easily be separated and never again touch, at an emotional level you cannot separate what you have related to strongly. It is always there, it can weaken, it can fade, it can be replaced with stronger emotions, or other relations.
In the spiritual we never separate, we are deeply and instantly connected into eternity.
We can turn this principle the other way around to. If you depend on someone for physical connection, you never know what might happen. If you depend on someone for an emotional connection, you can even feel it when they are not there. If you depend on someone for a spiritual connection, you get a freedom, a detachment that is not even limiting itself to that person alone.
Let us focus on one of our most important connections, the connection with a partner a lover, wife or husband.
Carl Gustav Jung had a beautiful understanding and description of this mechanism and the levels it operates on.
The first step Adam & Eve
Even if you grow up in a small village with, lets say only four possible candidates for a partner, chances are big you will fall in love with one of them, or select the most suited partner out of practical reasons. This kind of relation is also what would happen if you were shipwrecked and there was only one possible partner with you.
We have an inner driver that is striving to make us a whole person, and one of the most important ways to connect with our own unconscious is through a partner. This process is called a projection. We project what we need or search to connect with in our own unconscious with the persons we meet in our life.
Jung has described how the unconscious has an opposite sex. In a man it is called anima in a woman it is called animus. This is Latin for the soul with feminine of masculine ending. Our soul has a unconscious aspect we need to make conscious to become whole.
At this the most basic level of connection Jung called the Anima Eve. I have taken the liberty to call the Animus Adam since Jung only gave names for the levels of the anima.
If there are more options for a partner you can be more selective, and embellish the projection with an even better match.
Second step: Helen of Troy or Alexander the Great
When there are more persons to choose between you will go for someone that matches your unconscious even better. There will be a stronger attraction you will fall in love in a way that makes you blind (unconscious) to a bigger extent.
As you get to know the person of your projection, you might even say he or she has changed, but it is just the person coming more clearly forward as the projection is getting weaker and reality is seen. On the other side you can feel that when one of you is away, the longing restores the love. Now the person is not there to disturb the projection, it is something going on between you and yourself, but you might not perceive that.
Jung calls this aspect of anima Helen of Troy, so let us call animus Alexander the Great.
As you start to realise the importance of your perception in the relationship you start to embellish the spiritual beauty of your partner.
Third step: Mother Mary or Jesus
When you see the spiritual beauty in your partner you embellish the most subtle, the flower, the perfume, the radiance, the virtues and you start to feel more equal on all levels, and more preoccupied about the spiritual wellbeing and personal evolution of your partner. Blame is slowly evaporating, you see your process as yours and your partners process as something you can support, facilitate or observe.
Because at this stage you see the holy aspect of your partner Jung call this aspect of anima Mary. So why not call animus Jesus or Joseph if you prefer.
Final step: Sophia and Sophus
This step brings you to the final step, where you are aware of your whole self, where you are at truth with yourself a holy person. At this stage you are in no need for a partner. This is a sacred person that is complete in him or herself. Jung calls this Sophia. I suggest Sophus for animus.
When you look at your partner you can influence the perception, you can see the potential beauty, you can embellish him or her, with Helen or Alexander. You can look deeper an embellish them with the beauty of their potential to be, the inner God or Goddess and this will more than anything open up your inner door to your own unconscious anima or animus.
What you embellish your partner with is equivalent to which doors you open in your own unconscious!
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Get to know your personal anima or animus
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A holonistic consultation will tell you the qualities of yourself and your anima and animus and how you can achieve the alchymical wedding between them.