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When you hear someone say you really should do that – there is no “should” about it.
It is your choice, listen to your gut instincts, your intuition, how does it feel to you?
Is the person who has said it doing it? Or are they just telling you “you should” because they don’t have the courage to or some other reason.
By all means, it is great that we all share ideas and opportunities, but it is not for any of us to tell another what they should or shouldn’t do.
The simple answer is NO, unless it really resonates with you and you do it because you choose to, not because someone else has told you “you should”.
It is time to reset your thinking from should, must, have to, no choice etc.
Are there times when you feel you really should do something, even if you would prefer not to?
This is about making a judgement call and think about whatever it is and weighing it up.
Give it thought, think about the affects on you and others, think about the time and timing. Probably most important of all speak to anyone else that may be involved.
Your timing may not be their timing and vice versa.
Sometimes we are thinking about doing something out of kindness, like visiting someone who is sick or trying to be helpful to someone who is struggling.
If that is what you are thinking you “should” do, find out first and foremost if it is convenient and ask what works for them.
Many “shoulds, musts, have to’s” can end up leaving us wondering why we bothered because we thought we were being “nice” but it really didn’t work for the other involved.
Learning to talk to each other is a really great step forward. Someone knowing you are thinking about them may be all that is “required” and everyone is happy.
Many people have grown up being taught to think about others and not themselves.
Truth is none of us really knows what is going on in another’s life or head and we are not mind readers – so ask.
You can always say No and make an alternative suggestion.
It is time to reset your thinking about others, that it is good to offer help and support, it is also great to receive it, as, when and how it is appropriate for each individual.
There were times I found myself wanting to use the “should” word when writing this and I had to find another way of writing what I was trying to say.
To me the word “should” feels like I am being told I have to do something and we don’t have to do anything we don’t choose to do.
Sometimes it feels like we have Hobson’s Choice, that we have to make the best of what we feel is a bad situation but we still have a choice and if we actually had the courage to speak to people we could find that there are other choices or the whole thing could just go away.
Copyright © Sara Jane 2018