Being a psychic is a very strange thing. My relationship with TIME, the past, present and future is slippery at best. I relate deeply to time traveler stories, the ones where the hero is only loosely tied to NOW in the space-time continuum.
As a youngster, I fell in love with Dr. Who, one of the more famous TV time travelers who can move about in space and time in his Tardis. I am huge, huge fan then and now. I get it. And I get his elastic relationship to what he calls “Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey.” This is his adorable answer to solving the mind-bending paradoxes that crop up routinely in time travel and the potentials dangers of crossing your own time stream.
In many ways that is how I experience the flow of time. It should be like river and if you fall in you are swept along the current in a fairly linear movement. The past firmly behind you, the present moment only one breath long and the future unfolding before you, all a straight line.
It should be nice and straightforward, as the King says to the White Rabbit in Alice in Wonderland when the White Rabbit asks; “Where shall I begin, please your Majesty?” he asked.
“Begin at the beginning,” the King said gravely, “and go on till you come to the end: then stop.”
I wish I could roll that way, but it’s down the Rabbit Hole for me. I have a white rabbit tattooed on my shoulder, actually. Truly, I do- as an ode to how much time I spend down that rabbit hole and what that means to me.
Mostly I feel like I am standing at a crossroads, the past winding behind me and the future in all it’s possible variations and trajectories looming out into space in front of me, like a mind bending, quantum spider web, possible and alternate realties spooling out in all directions. Not for me the undeviating series of fixed-point straight lines, based on mathematically correct Newtonian equation of cause and effect.
My perception of reality doesn’t always appear in the same order that other people experience it. Beginning, middle and end, jumble together in no particular order. It’s bit like getting a juicy new novel and reading the last chapter first. It an ass-backwards way to live and can be rather disorienting. Frequently, this gives me vertigo and I wonder if other time travelers experience some version of the Quantum Spins.
I seriously have to work at keeping events in the right order in my mind and responding appropriately to what is actually happening in the moment and not to my multi-dimensional déjà vu. To this end, I have learned some rather radical mindfulness techniques to keep myself in the present moment and to live life in the right order, moment by moment. Letting time spool out properly, each moment created in the NOW, like a phoenix rising out of the ashes of it’s just passed brothers and sisters.
Time, the way that I see it, is a complex system, rather like the weather. Easy to predict what is happening right now, or five minutes from now. But as you go out further out from the present moment more variables come into play and it gets all wibbly wobbly.
I am not one of those New Agey types who believe that everything is “meant to be.” My experience of living here on Planet Dirt is that there is a lot more random stuff going on than most people credit and that free will and choice play a huge factor in what happens to us. This planet is a Free Will Zone and one where polarity and duality reign. There is the Dark Side and the Light Side and choice is the most powerful weapon of the Jedi- an elegant weapon from a more civilized time. (Ok, we’ve gone from Dr. Who to Star Wars and I have outed my massive inner sci-fi geek. Now you know!)
So choice is a huge factor in how your future plays out, and so are everyone else’s choices. Fate is a factor for sure. If we think of time as a river, then your fate is like a series of large, immovable objects in that river. And there is also another factor, which is much more of mystery. I never know what to call this part of the equation, since it is a mystery to me and all other mortals.
I chalk it all up as The Hand of God. It’s the great mystery, the magic that glues the particles of reality together to make a congruent whole. Who am I with my little tiny human brain to try and comprehend The Mystery? No way. I am like a mathematician who fudges my equation by labeling that sucker “Variable X.”
When I do readings for people, I get a constant download of the future like a ticker tape graphic at the bottom of the news report. I perceive this in terms of percentages, and I often try NOT to pay attention to this, especially in my personal life.
I had coffee with my friend Anne the other day and she was telling me about how her husband was interviewing for a new job. As she told the story, my ticker tape is running in the background.
There is a 27% chance that he will get job A. And a 53% chance that he will get an offer for job B. But if he takes job B, there is a 12% probability that that company will close in 12 months. (The remaining percent is still a wild card, totally unpredictable since there has to be allowances for the chaos factor.)
Who really wants to know that stuff? Does it take all the fun out of life? Does it ruin a conversation with a friend? Am I even right? Due to the nature of reality and our future, these predictions would be different if she asked me about it three weeks from now anyways.
I didn’t say anything.
I never do, unless you are in my office paying for a session. In that sweet moment with my friend, I ignored the ticker tape and percentages, trying to untangle myself from these sticky spider webs of future/past probabilities.
Live in the now, Lisa.
Live in the now.
Right now, in that moment, we are having coffee. My beloved friend is real in this moment, in her joy and her uncertainty. Right now THIS MOMENT is X marks the spot and the rest is all just a mind bending quantum equation in constant movement.
Wibbly wobbly, timey wimey.
When my son was born and they put him in my arms for the first time, I knew his past (Died in World War II) and his future fate/destiny. (Going to be a soldier again.) And now he is almost eighteen and the recruiter came over yesterday. He is going into the Marines when he graduates from high school next year. Do I give myself a high five and yell “Called it!” No. But I respect his choices and cast my line back into the river of time.
And I keep myself from looking further down his time loop. Hell yes, I do. X marks the spot.
I am in a new relationship. It’s still in the honeymoon stage and is completely delightful, intoxicating and joyful. And it takes every ounce of concentration that I have to stay in the present moment and not read the last chapter first. (Did I glance at his hand and see the shiny gold of a wedding band there in a not too distant future? Nope. I did not. Delete image. Back into the present moment with you my girl…)
Yesterday a funny trick of the sunlight shining through the leaves of the crabapple tree in my yard tweaked my psychic open. I had a flash of my son in his Marines dress blues walking into the house, looking leaner and stronger then he does now, by a few years- whatever soft edges of his face hardened into the strong, clean lines of his fully formed grown man’s face. The ticker tape runs a few probability numbers that I ignore. I am a momma after all.
This image goes with all the others into a big virtual file cabinet in my head that I call The X Files. Possible futures only. I cast my line back into the river of time and discipline myself to stay HERE and NOW.
Time is like a river. It’s a great analogy. When I am in the moment, I am in the river. Flowing along, experiencing each moment as it comes, in it’s linear progression, just like everyone else. Going with the flow.
When I am in psychic mode, I am standing on the bank of the river watching it flow by. From this viewpoint, it doesn’t seem static or fixed to me, but fluid. Changeable. Mutable. If I were a fisherman, could I cast my line into the past, and would that change the future? I see this, not as a linear progression, but all happening simultaneously. And each affecting the other, more like a living energy then anything else.
I am sure the Quantum Scientist Dudes would be able to give me the reason why that is true nature of time, and metaphysicians have known all along what the Quantum Scientist Dudes are now proving. Time is elastic, living and fluid. And can only be broken down into probabilities like my ticker tape if you don’t take it all too seriously.
All this contemplation of the wibbly wobbly nature of time just reinforces my own commitment to living mindfully. Occupying each moment as fully as I can. It’s a great aspiration and a powerful way to live.
And here is the real truth. Maybe I am not that special in my relationship with time. After all, don’t we all do this? Humanity in general spends a lot of time in our own haunted pasts and projected futures and very little in the x-marks the spot NOW. Maybe my future visions are no more then my own jet fueled imagination, my hopes, desires and dreams wrapped up in a slick package and no different from anyone else’s.
I really don’t know. But I do know that the power for all of us is in the now…