Yesterday, I had a conversation that I found confusing. Not only because of what was being said, but because of why I was even a part of the experience. I believe I continued the conversation, long beyond the point of sensible, because I wanted to give it the opportunity to make sense. When it didn’t I even asked the other person to explain why they had reached out in the first place. His response? He had been chatting with a mutual friend and wondered whatever had happened to “crazy Annette.”
What the hell? Crazy Annette? I was gob smacked by that response and put up a huge wall of resistance to anything good or positive that may have resulted in pursuing any further dialog. I was so cranked with that answer that I even mentioned it to my sister, long after the conversation with the other person had ended. Here, I thought she would be as offended as I was and to my amazement, she was surprised that I was offended. What the hell?
As I fell asleep, I found myself unable to let go of the confusion and had to make a conscious effort to choose another thought. Anything was more welcome and as I began to become comfortable with counting my blessings, I drifted away. Upon waking, I was gifted with a 180 on the very thought that had agitated me only hours prior.
Yeah, whatever happened to crazy Annette?
I was taken back in time to 1988-1989 as this was the time frame in which this person was in my life. That was a most remarkable time for me as I was making major changes in my health, wealth and career. My marriage was breaking up and eventually ended. I had been paying closer attention to the health and well-being of my physical body by making smart eating choices and working out daily. And my career was soaring with success upon success. I not only worked hard, but I played hard. I dressed, spoke and lived as though I was a force with which to be reckoned and felt amazingly power-filled! So, if that resonated as crazy to that person, I felt as though it was my life that was crazy and I was merely trying to establish some form of sanity.
Here’s the crazy thing about the new direction my thoughts took upon waking this morning. I realized that I had also been wondering whatever happened to crazy Annette. Where did her passion for life go and when did she cease heeding the call to make her life work for her as opposed to allowing life to simply happen? Never really thought of Annette as crazy, but in many ways, I guess that is exactly how she appeared to those who observed her actions. Not everyone agreed with the way Annette was behaving and several had mentioned that they thought she was crazy.
Considering this new direction of thought, I began to see the gift of that conversation. It had given me the opportunity to remember that when I was connected to the stream of that which brought me pleasure, happiness, and joy, I was flying higher than the clouds. Here was the answer to many questions I had recently been asking of myself in meditation. Why it had bothered me so much was because it took me out of the world of complacency I had created. Yet I realized, that I was happier when I was doing those crazy things during those crazy times more than how I was currently living.
Perhaps because I have been open to guidance that is the reason this seriously out-of-the-blue conversation occurred. I noticed that I was uncomfortable with the chatting once I started to compare my life then to my life now. Isn’t it funny that guidance appears in such mysterious ways and that when we give ourselves some space we see the bigger picture.
Don’t know that I will ever chat with this person again and it doesn’t matter. I have taken something magical from the experience and that is what matters. In between my giggles, I too, am asking the question, “I wonder whatever happened to crazy Annette?” I am going to find her and never let her go again.