There is something that has been itching at me to write. An awareness that has been asking me to notice it, to put words to it, to something I know.
In an episode of Friends, Chandler and Monica had their first fight. Chandler assumed this meant they were breaking up because in his world, disagreement couldn’t be worked out and fights always led to separation.
Monica replied, “It was a fight. You deal with it and you move on. Its nothing to freak out about. Welcome to an adult relationship.” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tmnE2g9_t8c
Just because we are disagreeing with someone doesn’t mean you walk away. Sometimes we will have different opinions about things but sticking it out and finding a way to allow that person’s different opinion without making them wrong is what makes a relationship work.
Dysfunction in communication is everywhere around us. People hear something we haven’t said. We jump to conclusions. We assume. We judge. We create opposition and separation as if that creates something greater.
Here is the thing.
We don’t get to walk away from each other.
We don’t get to walk away from each other (yep this coming from the master of running away – – yours truly smile emoticon in the past, that is. )
This world, you and me, we SUCK at communicating.
Learning how to disagree is healthy. Navigating difficult conversations is a skill that can be developed as long as both parties are willing to stay at the table.
Stay. It was a leadership term I learned while at CTI.
Now this is not a formula. There are times to leave and I trust that you will know the difference. What I am talking about is not when you are in danger or when someone is acting insanely around you. I am talking about our friendships, our business relationships and people we care about.
It’s the one thing I watch over and over and over again in so many years of coaching.
So when the fire gets hot, when your toes are dipping into the flames and Will you stay in the conversation and receive someone’s different point of view without making them (or you) wrong?
What would that create in our world, in our relationships and on our earth?